Companionship. Daily routines. Laughter. Exercise. New friends at the dog park. Living with a purpose. Life with a pet is a source of health and joy for many elders and singles. Cats, dogs, rabbits, horses, and other pets can reduce loneliness and depression, along with easing anxiety. And then all these benefits are gone. Grief can make us feel very, very alone. Our days become empty. Your dog was not “just a dog” or “just a cat”. Many owners have an intense bond that has spanned many years. Social support is key for all mourners but is often absent when it comes to the loss of a pet. Yes, your grief is real and does not need to be hidden or minimized.

Just as in all mourning, your grief kit of coping strategies include: maintain your basic health care ( water, healthy diet, movement, sleep) because grieving takes physical and emotional energy; sharing your thoughts and feelings with an understanding person; taking time to release your emotions; strengthen positive memories; journal; and mindfulness and /or prayer practice. Sometimes the bravest act is to seek support from community resources and organizations. The internet abounds with support in the form of hotlines and online forums.  Books on pet loss are published regularly. Group counselling is often available in larger centres that targets pet loss. There is a widening support that understands your pain and recognises the legitimacy of pet loss. 

 DEBUNKING SOME MYTHS ABOUT GRIEF

 §  Grief is not an illness or disease and does not need to be fixed or cured. It is a normal, natural, and necessary part of human life. 

§  There are no predictable, orderly stages to grief; there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong ‘way to grieve. It cannot be rushed.

§  Grief requires safe spaces and safe people to express your stories, thoughts, and feelings about the pet you have lost. 

§  The goal is to continue the relationship in your heart and memory, not to ‘get over’ this deep loss. Instead of ignoring your memories, find others with whom you can share them.

You do not need to suffer alone through this time of sorrow. In your own time, you will adjust to your world without your beloved pet. And yes, one day, you will be ready to have another pet join your family.

Yours in living and loss, Brenda

References:

Boss, Pauline, Ambiguous Loss: learning to Live with Unresolved Grief, (1999). Cambridge: Harvard University Press. 

Corr, C.A., Corr, Donna M., Doka, Kenneth J. (2019.) Death & Dying, Life & Living, 8th Ed., Boston: Cengage.

 Diets. Bob, (2017). Life After Loss: A Practical Guide to Renewing your Life after Experiencing Major Loss, 6th ed., Philadelphia: Da Capo Press.

 Doka, Kenneth, J., (2002). Disenfranchised Grief: New Directions, Challenges, and Strategies for Practice. Champagne, Illinois: New Research Publishers.

 Wolfelt, Alan D., (2003). Understanding your Grief: Ten Essential Touchstones for Finding Hope and Healing Your Heart. Fort Collins, Colorado: Companion Press.