The holiday season can be especially challenging to those who are grieving because it is a season, not just a day, that is full of memories and traditions. Grief is hard work no matter the time of year. Tears will likely be a part of your season and may even take a sacred place at the holiday table. A helpful idea is to create your own holiday grief map. Here are a few suggestions to get you started.

The grief in these non-death losses are as valid as the grief caused by death. Get support and learn about grief in all its forms as a way to strengthen and provide additional support knowing that you are experiencing grief and that is okay. You too need to create your coping kit to first manage the stressful situation and then to eventually move from the old you to the new you.

What to give to someone who has lost a loved one? This question is often asked and although flowers are the traditional gift of condolence, there are many other alternatives.

You may begin to experience anniversary grief response as you approach the upcoming date. The following list may be some of the signs you are experiencing an anniversary grief response: increased feelings of sadness, loss, depression, loneliness, anxiety, fatigue, irritability or anger, as well as physical symptoms, such as sleeplessness, lack of an appetite, difficulty concentrating or an increase in distressing memories, among other things. But you have made it through a full year and if you allow it, hope for the future can be also felt. 

Although it is the natural order of life to expect your parents to die before you, many people are surprised by the complexity and depth of their grief when it happens. The death of a parent is a milestone in your life just as marriage, birth of children, or retirement. With the death of a parent there is a fundamental change in your identity and in the family structure.

Year 2 of grief is often called the “lonely year”. Many people think that once surviving the first year, and yes, it does feel like you are just hanging by your fingernails, the rest will be easy. Often I hear “I feel like I’m starting all over again” .You aren’t. This is a good time to rejoin a support group or a grief retreat.

How long does grief last? Will I always feel out of control? What is the normal stages of grief?

During the first year, there will begin to be spaces between acute grief and then a special day or holiday looms in the future and we get dragged or pushed down the grief pit again. Each of these markers represents a general overview and carries with it the challenges of the initial year.

Everything reminds me of my loss. Yes, that’s the grief pain of secondary losses caused by the death, divorce, break up. It’s the subtle little events of everyday life that repeatedly pokes and pushes triggers of the emotional loss. Secondary losses are the changes or absence of routines, conversations, or experiences once my person (or pet) is there no longer. The loss is felt again and again. It feels like the grief is sneaking up and blindsiding me all the time, especially in those first months and year.

What is meant by anticipatory grief? It is normal to feel grief whenever there is a loss. What is puzzling is that anticipatory grief begins before a death when aspects of the previous life is lost to the disease. The technical term is ambiguous loss when a person is physically present but mentally lost. Addictions, mental psychosis, dementia, or Alzheimers’s are examples of ambiguous loss. Yes, grief can begin without a death.

Losing a pet is a valid form of loss and grief. It is often explained that a pet becomes a member of the family so no wonder its absence is felt deeply. Our life and home are not the same without our pet’s presence. Often, we have lived with our pet for years and our routine has been shaped by its presence. Pets are a constant and loving companion to families and singles. Loving and loss go hand in hand. This declaration is a list of statements to guide you in your grief.

As Easter approaches, I find myself with less energy and feeling melancholy. I asked myself, “What’s going on?” and then I said the magic words…. “This is my Grief. Hello Grief!”