Hello Grief….The holidays are coming and we need to talk.
It’s been over three years since I lost my husband, beloved pet, and father. Three losses in 6 months.
As Easter approaches, I find myself with less energy and feeling melancholy. I asked myself, “What’s going on?” and then I said the magic words…. “Oh. Hello Grief”. And then the dam broke and the tears of loneliness and longing spilled out. Memories of preparing for the Easter holidays streamed through my mind. The fond memories of preparation baskets for the grandchildren and travelling to visit family and friends in Alberta came rushing back. Each recollection needed to be held and cherished once more. After my tears, I began to text and call those special loved ones and talk about those memories. Once again I was connected to the folks that not only loved me, but loved my Barry.
It is during these weeks before the holidays that I now begin to hear the call of Grief and Love. It is in these days that I need stillness to name and feel all my feelings. I need to talk about my memories and reach out to those who were part of the past stories. The more I do this, the more content I am in my day. And with that I am left with the warmth of peace and love.
As a counsellor I came across a useful exercise that invited a person to creates a Life Legacy Certificate. On this single page, you are asked to list the legacies of your beloved. The topics include: their hobbies or pastimes; their gifts that live on in your life and others; quotations or sayings that were unique to that person; the values they tried to live by; how they would want you to move forward; and favourite events or memories. Last year I made a scrapbook and during that time I was able to consider all these topics. It was very healing to look through and handle hundreds of photos, talk about these pages with family and friends, and create titles and text for the chapters of our shared life.
And so I wish each of you a blessed Easter/ Christmas/Anniversary/ Birthday season. Say ‘hello’ to your grief and have a chat. He/she will be back again so pour a coffee and get comfortable. It’s all good.
Yours in living and loss, Brenda