Bereaved Caregiver: Lessons Learned
**** The following was a closing assignment for a grief group of bereaved caregivers. The members had cared for their spouse, child, or parent. This letter has been reprinted with permission of the author.
Dear Grief,
You have taken me on a journey, of which I had not planned taking, but had to go nonetheless.
You have taken me to many places of great loss, sadness, loneliness and immense pain. And by taking me to all of these places, you made me cry many, many tears, and made me very, very tired. You made me question my sanity and showed me emotions I never knew I had, let alone understood. You made my whole body ache...not just my heart.
I hated you in the beginning because of all the unfamiliar and scary places you took me. I still don't like you, and you still piss me off, but I am starting to develop some tolerance for you since we are still travelling companions.
Because of our journey, I now have a better understanding of what I must work through and how to be with my pain. You have taken me on some detours, where I am finding out it's ok to take time for myself and learn about myself. You are showing me a way to explore where these other roads may lead me. You are teaching me to be more understanding and compassionate towards others, and, to be more patient, forgiving, understanding and loving of myself.
Throughout our journey I have been gathering some tools to manage you better. So now when we go on the roller coaster, I'll know there will be an up after each down. When you take me river rafting, I'll know to wear a bigger life jacket. When we go into the dark tunnels or down the rabbit holes, I'll know to take a big flashlight and tall ladder.
Would I recommend your trip to anyone? NOT A CHANCE!! But I know, unfortunately, there will be other fellow travellers who also won't have the option. All I will be able to do is offer them support and comfort and show them compassion. I will try to be a tour guide and help them read the road signs along the way. That is how they may navigate their own journey with you.
So Grief – I know our journey will not last forever, but for today, it is what it is, and I'm ok.
Regards, J
Yours in living and loss,
Brenda