Year 2 of grief is often called the “lonely year”. Many people think that once surviving the first year, and yes, it does feel like you are just hanging by your fingernails, the rest will be easy. Often I hear “I feel like I’m starting all over again” .You aren’t. This is a good time to rejoin a support group or a grief retreat.

How long does grief last? Will I always feel out of control? What is the normal stages of grief?

During the first year, there will begin to be spaces between acute grief and then a special day or holiday looms in the future and we get dragged or pushed down the grief pit again. Each of these markers represents a general overview and carries with it the challenges of the initial year.

Everything reminds me of my loss. Yes, that’s the grief pain of secondary losses caused by the death, divorce, break up. It’s the subtle little events of everyday life that repeatedly pokes and pushes triggers of the emotional loss. Secondary losses are the changes or absence of routines, conversations, or experiences once my person (or pet) is there no longer. The loss is felt again and again. It feels like the grief is sneaking up and blindsiding me all the time, especially in those first months and year.

Companionship. Daily routines. Laughter. Exercise. New friends at the dog park. Living with a purpose. Life with a pet is a source of health and joy for many elders and singles. Cats, dogs, rabbits, horses, and other pets can reduce loneliness and depression, along with easing anxiety. And then all these benefits are gone.

For many children, losing a pet is often their first experience with death. As a parent, this may be the first time you explain and support your family through a loss.

When we are thrust into the events of loss, our lack of knowledge and misconceptions become apparent. These myths can increase the difficulty in moving through grief. Shining a light on expectations that are not helpful is a good place to begin understanding and adjusting to your new reality.