Grief Markers in Years 2 and 3

Year 2 of grief is often called the “lonely year”. Many people think that once surviving the first year, and yes, it does feel like you are just hanging by your fingernails, the rest will be easy. Often I hear “I feel like I’m starting all over again” .You aren’t. This is a good time to rejoin a support group or a grief retreat. Once again, surrender and the courage to name and feel the feelings of loss are the skills that move us through grief. This is how a person does not get stuck the pain. Once again, you may feel like the grief is a bottomless pit of darkness and hurt, but it is not. You will be okay and it’s always ok not to be okay when navigating this growth and change. After each dive into the grief, more love and memories can also be shared. This legacy of the life that was created becomes the healing balm. There is this continual dance of private surrender and communal sharing. Be sure to continue to share with those trusted others. The second year is a real marker in getting on with the reorganization of your life after loss. Good days slowly begin to outnumber the horrible days. You are developing more and more skills to handle your grief.

By the end of year 3 of grief, the pain begins to seem manageable. There begins to emerge a longer view of the before-and -after story of your loss. You realize there is a continuous you that existed before, after, and during your grief and loss. This pain has now become reconciled within and a part of your life experience that can strengthen, shape, and give meaning to your life. In time, you will have this ability to hold the knowledge of this personal terrible, tragic, random event ,and, the belief that if it should happen again, you will be able to survive. You have uncovered strength and courage that you may not have realized. There is an important meaning to this loss and how it shapes your present life and future. Wisdom is granted when you are open to this happening.

Remember, you are not alone.

References:

Diets. B.,(2017). Life After Loss: A Practical Guide to Renewing your Life after Experiencing Major Loss, 6th ed., Philadelphia: Da Capo Press.

Edelmen, H., (2020).The After Grief: Finding Your Way Along the Long Arc of Loss. New York: Ballatine Books.